Wendy talks about changing her mindset

I like to think of myself as the glass half full type, but the thing is it’s not always easy to be positive in a world full of negatives. After the SPA Girls interviewed my son, Nate, about mental strength, I decided to spend the next few days assessing my mindset. The results were surprising, and I have to say, disturbing.

-Waking each day telling myself I was tired.

-Listening to the news and mulling over the negative stuff.

-Spending too much time reading negative posts on social media, especially those in the self-publishing community.

-Negative body issue thoughts.

-Self-doubt about my career/writing.

I wasn’t aware that so much of my thought process was taken up with negativity. So what was I going to do about it? As luck would have it, my son was staying with me at the time, so I was able to pick his brain.

Nate’s a professional rugby player who has worked with mental skills coaches for years. His outlook on his job and life is to think positive rather than negative. He believes you’re setting your self up to fail if you don’t, and it will impact on anything you do because of those negative thoughts, which in turn will hamper any career/personal growth.

He’s worked hard to be the man he is today, and to say I’m proud of him is an understatement… but we’ll keep that between us as his head is already big enough!

“Mom, you’re starting the day on a negative, and that can only work one way, it’ll send you spiraling downward.”                                                                                                   – Nate Vella

Yes, we all get tried, and yes, it impacts on our lives, but the definition of insanity according to Albert Einstein is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Same goes for mindset. If you continually tell yourself you’re tired, you’re a failure, then you will be. If you tell yourself you can’t do something, then you probably won’t!

I have made a conscious effort to be positive since I realized just what the hell was going on inside my head. Believe me when I tell you it hasn’t come easy. I have a cynical side… yes, I know you find that hard to believe after listening to me on the podcast, I’m the fun one right? So I now think before I speak, and think about what I’m thinking about… that made sense right! It’s a significant mental shift for me, and it’s taking time, but I think I’m better for the changes I’m making. Like anything new we start, exercise or diet, it takes time to get the hang of it!

The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible. 

Some of the steps I’ve taken with my son’s help are:

Focus on what I want and the result. This gives my day direction before I get started, and keeps me on task so my mind doesn’t wander into gray areas. (I have plenty of those).

Start the day with positive thinking. I feel great. I slept well. I look great. The words will flow. You get the idea, and each of us will be different, but a short positive mantra that relates specifically to you can help.

Don’t dwell on what was, think about what is. Live in the now. ALL of us have memories that cause us stress and pain. Try and find a way to deal with those, and put them to one side when you feel them creeping into your head. Don’t let them lead you back down the rabbit hole of negativity!

I try hard to be grateful. It’s easy to want more, but sometimes you just need to look around you and be thankful for what you have.

Try to minimize contact with negative people, (extremely hard to do when they are family!) Don’t allow the negativity of others to infect your positive mood.

Don’t make your goals unobtainable. I am guilty of this, and have since reduced them, and made them more workable to fit into my lifestyle and stop me from working eighty hours a week!

Negative emotions narrow your mind. When you’re stressed because your to-do list is out of control, you may find it hard to start anything because you’re stifled by the volume of work to be done.

Negativity feeds doubt!

Positive thinking is about much more than just being happy or displaying a healthy attitude. Positive thoughts can help you obtain your goals, and help you increase your skill set to build for the future; they will help you to achieve a better healthier life.

You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.                                                                                                           -Joyce Meyer

Positive-thinking/James Clear

Interview with Nate Vella

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